You must have had at least one relationship in which you thought, after a few weeks of moping around, “Why did we throw it all away?” and then proceed to ask your ex to get back together with you. It’s a toss-up what happens from there, but sometimes, you do get them back. In rare occasions, though, this ends up becoming a cycle of breaking up and getting back together, keeping you in a loop of good and bad emotions – ultimately ending in many problems down the road.
It seems as if quite a lot of people are actually stuck in these type of relationships. Couples break up, get back together, break up, get back together – it’s what is called a “cyclical relationship.” Scientists claim that this is extremely destructive.
According to our studies, couples in this sort of relationship tend to be more prone to impulsive behavior. They often make impulsive decisions about moving in together, buying a pet together, or even having children together – more so than those who are not in this type of relationship. This also leads us to believe to conclusions concerning their relationship habits, which include worse communications, bad decisions, and a higher uncertainty on the future.
Prof. Amber Vennum,
Kansas State University
Scientists believe that this type of behavior can cause future problems down the road, due to people not really making firm decisions regarding the relationship – after all, they can’t even keep the decision to stay together for long. Thus, the people in this sort of relationship often find themselves unable to make decisions that will benefit the relationship.
Additionally, we are led to believe that these people are emotionally unstable. Meaning, even if they do end up making big commitments toward each other, chances are, they might not be really as committed as they’ve convinced themselves.
This leads us to bigger questions, regarding the stability of such relationships, especially when these couples decide to get married. What often happens is that if these habits were prevalent in the relationship, they will follow and exist into marriage as well. This might cause large amounts of grief to both people, creating a slow slide into mayhem. Most times, this ends in divorce – which isn’t a surprise why the divorce rate in the US is around 50%.
Sometimes, we create illusions that things are better than they really are. Scientists urge us to actually look past these illusions and really see things for what they are. Stay rooted on reality, and make better decisions. If you had a falling-out, there’s probably a reason anyway. Maybe it was for the best.
Probably, a few months of sorrow will be better than a lifetime of frustration.